kayliemalinza:

jedimagnus:

Why on earth hasn’t anyone invented a less terrifying way to open biscuits and cinnamon rolls???? 😩

because squishing that much biscuit into that little space teeters on the edge of hubris. the pop is to keep us humble. to remind us that death comes for all

bisexual-bifurcations:

sockablock:

Universal experiences that prove why D&D is both the best and worst game ever:

“Make a stealth check.” “45.” “Your character just stops existing.”

“Now he’s gonna attack you, and—aw, fuck!” “Did you roll a nat—“ “I rolled a nat 1.”

“That’s 34 points of damage.” “I’m dead.” “You’re not dead—“

“I’m gonna cast [every AoE spell ever] on that guy.” “Hey! I’m standing right next to him!” “You’ve got a lot of HP, you’ll be fine.”

“I’m not sure you can do tha—“ “Nat 20.” “…you do that, I guess.”

“Wait, can I go ask [enemy NPC] for info?” “No, you killed him. He’s super-dead! His blood is everywhere, he’s not talking.”

“Make a persuasion check.” “Well I rolled a 2, but with my modifier it’s a 25.” “Nobody is allowed to play a bard next campaign.”

“You’re not proficient in that.” “Can I still try?” “…sure.”

“Come on guys, you almost had it.” “It’s been 45 minutes. Can you just tell us the answer?” “No. I believe in you. Now solve my puzzle.”

And, of course, the greatest one of all:

“…[heavy sigh]. Roll for seduction.”

Our rogue: can i roll for arcana?

Our DM: are you proficient?

Rogue: no

DM: uh… i guess you can try?

Rogue: nat 20

nsfwmchanzo:

When Hanzo finally shows u his third dragon

1-800-pool-boy:

m16s-m1911s-and-power:

speedlimit15:

Chad

this man fucks

youraverageabitch:

Venom, 2018

Basically